I’m a peaceable man, but some situations call for a good, old-fashioned butt-whooping. Such was the case when I encountered the trash can (pictured). I had just parked my car in the hospital parking ramp (on my way to a blood test) when I encountered this pugnacious metal cylinder in the elevator lobby. I smiled and gave it a friendly nod. Nothing. I asked how its day was going. Silence. That’s when we commenced to wrastling. I gave it a knee to the gut; it gave me a glancing blow to the temple.
Turns out I wasn’t myself. I was dehydrated due to an intestinal bug. I took the can out on my way to the ground. Fortunately, I was at the hospital and a medical professional was stepping out of the elevator as I took my dive. They pumped me with fluids for a day and sent me home. The trash can didn’t even get a sick day. I’d like to think I won this battle.